Holidays...

The holidays can be a magical wonderful time or a crazy frenzied stressful time and if you're me some of both. I have to say that this year has been much easier than last year. I was the Grinch last year. I didn't even want to decorate the tree. Last year I kept telling myself "Grace will only be gone one Christmas. By this time next year she will be back and better and we will be able to move on."
The reality is she is gone again and I don't know if she will be back and better by next Christmas. I am okay with that right now.

First I will do a quick update, then I'll share some other thoughts. As of right now Grace is doing pretty well. She still has good and bad days. She gets into trouble every now and then and looses her level and has to start all over. There have been some pretty big issues in her unit and the staff have been required to talk to the whole unit. Some of the conversations are things that I wish Grace didn't have to be involved in. Grace called me upset over the discussion, I just had to say I'm sorry I can't protect you. This is real life. I told her if she was at home I could protect her, but her choices have made it so she has to be there. It is really hard to be compassionate but realistic at the same time. I still don't know how much of this is in her control and I hate not knowing that. Over all she has adjusted well and most days is happy and chipper. We were able to go pick her up the day after Thanksgiving for a off campus visit.   We took Grace to see Big Hero 6 and then to dinner. We spent about five hours with her. It was so much fun. She was so calm and sweet the whole time. In fact Brother and Sister started to argue a bit and Grace pointed out a better way for them to handle it. That made Dad and I giggle a bit. It was really neat to see a small change. I am also happy to say when it was time to say good bye there was no drama or tears, from anyone. It was hopefully a look into what the future may hold for our family. I love looking back on that day. As of right now Grace is working hard to be on her best behavior to hopefully earn an overnight visit for Christmas. Shopping for Grace for Christmas has also been very difficult. She is so limited in what she can have at the SH. We have gotten creative and have been able to find a few nice things that she will enjoy. I think she would be happy with socks and nothing else as long as she is at home. I have been really holding onto hope that she can come home for Christmas. It will be the first time that she will be home in 3 months. It seems like so long ago that she left. I can't believe how much different life seems now. We have settled into a routine and Brother and Sister and for the most part doing better. I (mom) had to have an emergency Gallbladder surgery, and Dad had to have Stage 0 Melanoma In Situ removed. Other then that we are doing pretty well.

Getting through the holidays with Grace gone last year seemed so overwhelming. I know that someday our children will grow up and leave home. I know that they won't always be able to come home for Christmas. I've know that since the day they were born. I just never thought I wouldn't have to deal with this fact with a child so young. The hardest part is trying to make things as normal as possible for Brother and Sister. My biggest fear is that someday Brother and Sister will resent everything they have gone trough because of Grace. I think this makes me a little over protective of them right now. I have bent over backwards to allow them to continue to do the things that they want to do. Sometimes then I fear that Grace will resent them for all the great things that they have done as well. I think I might worry too much!!!  I guess that makes me a Mom!!!

Many people have asked us if there is anything they can do to help? Or if they can get anything for Grace? Here is what I have come up with for now. If you feel like getting her something message me and we can work out details on how to get it to her. Thank you everyone for your continued love and support. It means the world to us!!!

Items
Coloring books (She loves fashion)
Sketch pad (no spiral bound)
Shampoo
Conditioner
Chapstick
Stationary
Lipgloss (no glass or metal)
Books (7-8th grade reading level)
Socks ( the crazier the better)
Letters or post cards. (please send to home address, mail takes forever at SH)