On Monday we decided to find a residential treatment center. The hospital where Grace was admitted as a patient gave us several names of centers covered by our insuranse. I called around and found one that I liked and went to take a tour. The center is 75 miles away from our home, but seemed like the best place for Grace right now. As it turned out they had one bed available for Grace's age. I called to the hospital to tell them that I had found a bed. They were amazed, I guess it usually takes weeks to get a bed. We were able to get insurance to autorize her stay and we moved Grace on Wednesday.
Our day on Wednesday went something like this...
I was to the hospital by 8:30am to pick up Grace. Took her to another hospital near by to have Grace's cast removed. (10 weeks with a broken foot!) We finished about 10:15am. Just in time to find out insurance had approved Grace to be admitted to the residential treatment facility. We rushed back to the first hospital and got Grace officially discharged. I then had to stop to buy her some new tennis shoes (ones with out laces, in a women's size 8) and new underwear because I for got to pack her some. Then drive her the rest of the way to the new facility. I got her there at 12:15pm. Just in time to drop her off and be to work by 1:00pm. Talk about crazy!!!
So the drop off! I had a couple of outfits that I threw together that morning before leaving my house at 7:30am. (I took more things to her the following day) We walked in to the front lobby which was as far as I was allowed to go. They started by telling Grace some of the basic rules. She asked when she would be allowed to talk to or see me again? They told her that she would only be allowed to call me once a week, and we could only visit on the weekends. I forgot to ask about visiting hours when I took a tour of the facility. I was a little shocked myself, but in my defense I've never done this. I was more interested in where she would be sleeping and eating and going to school and what kinds of therapy they would be doing. Visiting hours didn't even cross my mind. Also the facility is 75 miles away. Not like we could go everyday even if we could visit. So at this point I am a matter of minutes from leaving her there and now I find out I won't even be able to talk to her for several days. You try not to cry at that point!!! Trust me it sucked!!! I turn to Grace and I tell her, I love you so much! I tell her she can do this and that this is what is best. I am not sure she believes me, I am not even sure if I believe me. I give her a big hug and they take her away. At that moment I want to scream NOOOOOOOO! But I know I can't! I have to do this, I kept telling myself over and over and over as I make myself walk to my car. I was really proud of myself for not crying. Knowing that I had to go to work and put on a happy face is the only reason I kept it together I am sure. This was one of those defining moments we all have as a parent. For me I had to tell myself that the hardest things are usually the best things. As the parent I know what is best, she is just a ten year old child. She is to young to call the shots or know what is best for her. I just have to hope that she knows I love her and that is why I did this. My biggest fear is her hating me for it! So for now it is one day at a time, some times it's one hour at a time.
We have to realize at the same time that all of this is going on that we still have two other kids that need our love and support. Telling Brother and Sister what was going to happen was so sad. Brother being almost twelve try's so hard to be brave. This time he couldn't. Seeing him upset is so hard. Sister was even worse. She just started to cry and she asked "now who am I going to share a room with" Talk about breaking your heart. That was killer!!!They are doing better now. They have good days and bad, maybe it's more like good moments and bad. They really are trying. They are sweet to remember Grace in all of their prayers.
For now the plan for Grace is to be in the program for 4 to 6 months. That is as long as the insurance will cover it. They can be really difficult to deal with. We will just have to keep fighting! We've made it this far, I'm not going to give up now.
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